Right now, the only thing between you and that epic job is two sides of completely blank A4 paper. You can stare at them as long as you like, write and delete the same lines over, but truth is, you need to actually add content, other than that 48-point typeface name and address. Problem is, you might not have much to add. Have no fear, our top tips will help get you fill up that glaring white space.
Collect More Paper
You’ve just spent three years getting smashed at uni yet employers are failing to take you, and your degree in Multi-Media Sciences, seriously. No, we don’t get it either. But not to worry, there are plenty of other meaningless online courses you can take to add to your CV. Many come complete with a cheapo paper certificate.
Why not waste three days doing some common sense courses that people will charge you for? You can check out Skillshare, Udemy, Future Learn and Open University (OK, the last one is actually well worth taking a gander at). You never know, with these new-found skills you might actually be able to regurgitate the information and sell it as your own course. Bingo!
Pimp Yourself Out
So you’ve done a two-day online course and got a flimsy piece of paper to prove it. (You could have learnt the exact same information from watching two hours of YouTube videos, but hey, you’d never have got that cheap-looking certificate.) This automatically qualifies you to blag that you’re a fully-functioning freelancer to unsuspecting clients. Sound good so far? Great, because it’s all downhill from here.
There are heaps of freelance sites you can sign up to bragging about your newly-learnt and completely unmastered ‘skill’. But let’s not get bogged down by trivialities. Online sites such as Upwork, Freelancer, and the cheapest of the lot, Fiverr, will pimp you out to clients for a commission that will nearly bankrupt you. You can bid for work and set your own prices, but beware, on Fiverr, you will be expected to work for, yep, the paltry sum of £5, minus commission. We know you wouldn’t normally bother getting out of bed for less than the equivalent of three pints of beer – just as well then that you can do online work from the comfort of your own bed (or someone else’s – we’re not judging).
Work for free. Yeah, it’s as bad as it sounds but if you’ve not got enough ‘real world’ experience, it might be your last resort. (News flash: no one in the ‘real world’ works for free unless they are minted or ultra-bored.) However, volunteering at organisations can be slightly beneficial if:
- you need an enhanced police check to work there (it proves you’re not some psycho when trying to score on Tinder) Note: will show you in a very bad light if you are found to be a serial killer
- you need to get away from your parents’ constant nagging of, “Just when are you going to get a real job?” Although, to be fair, this isn’t a proper job, is it? There’s no salary involved.
- you get free and plentiful biscuits/cakes throughout the day, but you might need to fork out for bigger clothes after two weeks
Some naive folk might bang on about how volunteering shows kindness, initiative and willingness to learn. Yet we all know the truth, you’re only doing it to fluff up your CV. Still, it might be worth a shot if all other options fail.
There you have it, three fool proof ways to blag your way to an interview with a very satisfying entry-level CV. You’re welcome.